Travel diary: Short break in Seville

I got back from a mini break (I know I’m an adult, I can’t quite believe it either) from Seville around a month ago and have been reminiscing about my short time there ever since. My advice? Go go go!

First and foremost, I must preface this entry with a confession: it would seem that I cannot speak Spanish. I thought that my one year of learning the language in Year 9 in school, which in fairness to me was 10 years ago, was going to be enough, because if you know what un sacapuntas is you’re winning, but it turns out it isn’t helpful at all. Thanks Madam Cutts (she also taught French at the school hence the french title, I know that much.) You do not know real embarrassment until you are ordering an ice cream and all Spanish words have dried up in your throat and you begin to just point at things and attempt to articulate your meaning through confused French until you’re like no let me just use English as a last ditch attempt to minimise the torture for everyone. Then your friend who sniggers in the background at your performance, orders and suffers the same outcome.

For me, this embarrassment not only stemmed from a feeling of inadequacy but also, and more importantly, from feeling rude for not being able to communicate adequately. If the lovely ice cream lady ever reads this I was trying, I just panicked. Therefore, before I next travel, I want to at least have a firm grasp on all the basics (I could say hello and thank you but more than that) and thankfully (only in this instance, otherwise it’s not great) at the moment money wise that’ll be a while, so at least I have lots of time to practice.

The first night upon our arrival, we (I went with one of my oldest school friends) got a taxi to our hotel, Hospes las Casas del Rey de Baeza and upon exiting the vehicle we were blasted by the delicious scent of dozens of orange trees which led up to the entrance. The hotel itself is gorgeous, a boutique 4 star establishment (made possible by a generous discount through BA- keep your eyes peeled for similar getaways- thank you BA!) with beautiful courtyards and a roof top pool. Oddly enough the premises bear more than a passing resemblance to the Mamma Mia movie set, although you know not in Croatia (spoiler the second wasn’t filmed in Greece!) so of course much ABBA was sung. 

My friend and I had decided that our MO of this trip was just to wander around and not be too constrained by having to see everything that the city had to offer- but by Jove we about managed it. Our first full day, we had a leisurely breakfast and made our way to the old town- sadly using google maps instead of our physical map because we also didn’t take too much in from D of E- sorry HRH. But through a process of discovery and the help of the well beaten tourist recommendations we have come up with the below list:

Catedral de Sevilla.

This is a gorgeous and cool spot which I’m sure is half the reason in the heat of full summer why non Catholics infiltrate it’s walls. A piece of history regardless of your religious views that is well worth viewing.

The Royal Alcazar of Seville.

We had to queue for an hour and a half but that is what us Brits do best and let me tell you that queue was worth it. The Alcazar is an oasis of peace, even with the hundreds of other tourists flooding through the doors, the inside spaces are gorgeous with mosaic covered walls wherever you look but the gardens are glorious and a must see.

The Plaza de Espana.

This spot hosts beautiful architecture and you can even go boating (my friend and I didn't- largely because when I visited Versailles a few summers ago with another of my best friends we frequented the lake and it was the most stressful hour of my life!!!) or have a horse and carriage ride around the square. It is an Instagram lovers dream so if your looking for a place to shoot then definitely come here. We actually visited it more than once on our break, both due to its beauty and the fact that the first time we came, my friend had an emotional breakdown so we wanted to overwrite that particular moment. It is a great place for a breakdown though- lots of benches to sit and weep on. 

Metropol Parasol.

This attraction is known locally as Las Setas de Seville basically the giant mushrooms- appropriately nicknamed. We went just before sunset and were gifted with glorious 360 degree views of the city. We were told you could get a free drink at the top but we couldn't work out where to find them so if you find out give me a shout they owe me.   

Parque de Maria Luisa. 

This a wonderful park to just wander around in, smelling the beautiful citrus trees and taking great photos. You can also walk through it to get to the other various Plazas in the vicinity. A nice spot to keep cool in the beating sun.   

All of these are surrounded by spots which host brilliant restaurants and bars that are not too expensive despite the tourist trade. I would however recommend searching for specific ones that cater to certain diets or intolerances. I googled some vegetarian restaurants but for the most part you’ll be able to find what you need on the fly. Even if, like me, you don’t speak the best Spanish. All in all a lovely trip and I would return there tomorrow if I could.

23 things I’ve learnt in 23 years

Today is my birthday and although I still look around 17 on a good day, I am a whopping 23! On this day of joy, I thought why not spread some straight shooting facts and rules that I am trying to live my life by.  

1. You will not be liked by everyone. This is sad but honestly the truth. In all honesty if everyone liked me, it would probably worry me.
2. People can be arseholes- that's not your fault and don't allow them to make you think it is.
3. Your first instincts are normally correct. Learn to trust yourself.
4. Don't change for people, be true to yourself. You still invariably won’t measure up, so what’s the point?
5. Don't allow people to make you feel less than you are.
6. Walk away from a situation if you don’t feel you can cope or if you feel it will quickly escalate even further. It doesn’t make you a coward!
7. Always remove your makeup- even after a night out. I know it’s a ball-ache but honestly your skin will thank you in the long run.
8. Have ibuprofen and water before you go to sleep after copious amounts or even just a little bit of alcohol. Potentially this is a placebo effect but I have noticed a massive difference in hangovers.
9. Don't go on your phone too much before bed- allow your mind to rest. Even better read a book.
10. If you feel like shit, do some exercise it'll make you much feel better even if you can't be bothered.
11. Lie on your stomach during your period- the pressure of your agonised body will help to relieve some of the pain.
12. Say yes to things more than you say no. You often regret not doing something more than you regret doing it. FOMOs a bitch.
13. Find a friend that knows your angles. Don't trust the friend that takes one shot and says it looks good when it really doesn't. Find a new friend.
14. *Deep breath* Your mum and dad normally know best. They are older and wiser.
15. Sometimes it's worth believing the hype. I would like to think that I am original in thought and action and often spurn popular shows or movies, but there is a reason people love them. There is nothing wrong with being a basic bitch
16. Use moisturiser with an SPF- your skin will thank you in the summer time.
17. Drink hot lemon water in the morning. It’ll kick start your metabolism and adds a lovely glow to your skin.
18. Don’t trust people who don’t like dogs. Who doesn’t like puppies?
19. Stop apologising so much. Being nice is nice but often this can be read as weakness and you are not weak.   
20. Make sure you listen to people- you can learn a lot.
21. In the same vein, don’t offload on friends the whole time. Make sure it is an adequate split of venting or sharing- you may end up pushing them away if it isn’t.
22. Cut people out or have time away from them if you need to. Unless you miss them or feel some sort of a hole in your life at their absence, then don’t allow them access again. You don’t need other people’s negativity.
23. Don’t forget to live life fully and truly. Enjoy yourself in the moment and don’t get too caught up in scrolling and comparing. There is more to life.

Lent

Lent is upon us, the perfect time to cement good practices and positive reflections. Canonically, lent is a religious observation to allow penance and repentance to take place. Religion is now not always the reason for partaking in the 40 day event but it is still very much a part of today’s customs. 

So what would the devil offer me? Probably chocolate, crisps and carbonated drinks, you know if Luther was having a good day and had done his research. My main focus will be health and working on my gut. I am currently awaiting results following years of ongoing IBD symptoms and a recommended item to cut out or at least limit is fizzy drinks from the limited research I have done on the subject. If you know me you will realise that this will be hard because I love Dr Pepper, but I’m going to try this for my health and see if it makes any difference. Perhaps I can reintroduce it once a week as a treat further down the line. 

As well as renouncing certain foods, I also want to focus on the reflective aspect of the celebration. Lacking positivity is a big thing for me, mainly I think because I’m a realist but hopefully focusing on circumventing any negativity will allow me to find light moments in often trying or just generally average days. 

Doggy Dos and Don'ts

For more puppy pics, follow @montyandhector on Instagram

The other day I came home to my flat after a lovely day with some of my oldest friends and what did I find? Dog shite right outside my gate. Not just like tiny pellets or a left over amount that was missed when picking up some of it, I’m talking a ring of droppings as though this dog had marked the spot for treasure. Unfortunately this is not a unique experience on my street- so I’m not sure why I was so surprised, but I was.

Instantly my good mood evaporated. I deduced that owing to my struggle to get through the gate in the first place (a kind of leap frog/hop job), getting out wouldn’t be too much better. I rolled up my sleeves popped on some rubber gloves (which are now in the bin) got some hot water in a bucket, eco bleach and bin bags to dispose of the obstructions.

Whilst I was washing this off my path, a lady and her child attempted to pass, so I naturally stopped chucking water onto the pavement, cause I’m nice like that. She congratulated me for cleaning up and said that her daughter hadn’t wanted to walk home on this side as they had navigated the dog poo earlier. Proud that I had served not only my own shoe safety, but also done my civic shoe duty to the surrounding community- I proceeded to throw a total of 5 buckets of water on the obstacles with a conclusion that this was the best it was going to get.

Naturally I was exhausted after all of this exercise, so I declined a night out with friends and instead mused over my ordeal instead (half true the full reason is that I had also been out the night before- I am much in demand.) I determined that a lack of responsibly was in operation by this dog owner and on a wider basis, hence the regularity of such an issue on my street. Either the owner was blind (it is getting lighter with the coming spring weather in the UK so I have ruled that explanation out) or they just didn’t give sh **where their dog sh**. I decided on the latter.

As the proud sister of 3 doggies, 1 fully grown and 2 puppies, I have grown up with the mantra of always picking up after my pets: I have been taught that that is what a responsible pet owner does. Arguably, if my street was in the middle of the countryside, then this would be a different matter. I can understand why dog owners leave their dog’s waste, as it will not bother anyone due to limited foot traffic. But there is no excuse for a busy London street. Pick up your dogs sh**. The act of ownership makes it yours, so stop shi**ing in front of other people’s doors!

In the same vein, I cannot understand the point of picking up your dog’s foul and then proceeding to drop the bags on the floor. As though picking it up has brought you such exhaustion that you are incapable of carrying a small bag until you reach a bin- you must instead leave said bag on the pavement. Absolute madness. Arguably, there is an infrequency of bins in London- the reasoning behind this spans, I am told, from the IRA leaving bombs in bins in the 70s to today’s terror situations. However, more dog bins would be an idea- eliminating the argument for lazy owners that there were no bins.

On the subject of dogs, I must also mention the irresponsibility of owners leaving their animals in cars without open windows in the heat and in direct sunlight. Saying that, even opening a window will not allow an adequate flow of air for them. Just don’t leave them in the car dehydrated and boiling. On a similar note, walking animals in the heat of the day especially around midday when it is peak summer is again reprehensible. If it’s hot to you, imagine what it must be like if you have a thick layer of fur coating every limb and are attempting to walk on ground which has absorbed the full unflinching scorching beams for hours without a layer of protective rubber.

The takeaway of this rant is therefore: be responsible, if you are not willing to put your pet's general well-being first- then don’t get a bloomin' dog. And whomever’s dog is shi**ing outside my flat, I’m watching.

Book Recommendations

I have really enjoyed consuming what my younger self would probably have categorised as boring literature over the past couple of months. I'm talking non fiction. The area of a library I would have ignored growing up, unless I had an essay due and needed to cram some knowledge fast into my brain. 

I have always had a voracious reading habit since before I could remember. On holidays in my early teens, I would bring 5 or 6 books which my mother would lament was way too many, but by day 5 of a two week break, they would be well thumbed and I would need to scour the hotel for more- although the English section was mostly Harlequin novels or a Jilly Cooper novel. So inevitably I learnt a lot those summers. 

I also had- and still to this day have- in my childhood bedroom, stacks and stacks of books by my bed and around my room. Marie Kondo would have a field day, but honestly each has brought me joy and allowed me to journey to different places and realities, so I would not part with a single page. (Side note I lived through and survived the vampire stage that I feel should be a part of every young girls life, like wearing glittery eyeshadow and sparkly tops- I hate to admit but a sizeable amount of my collection are various series of that ilk. I'm still keeping them though.) 

The thing about reading and in particular non fiction is that you can continue to learn new ideas and perspectives- largely focused in my case on social theories and psychology as those are my main interests- long after finishing education. You will never be the cleverest person you know, but you can read and learn and become cleverer than you were the day before. This list is of a few titles that have helped me expand my thoughts a little more over the last couple of months: 

Everyday Sexism by Laura Bates- this is such an important text that everyone should read in their lifetime. The sexual harassment and discrimination that goes on in the world around us is still a very real threat to primarily women but also men. Bates provides unavoidable factual testimonies from women who have listed their experiences on her platform the Everyday Sexism Project. What was so interesting is reading some testimonies that I have also experienced in my day to day life; changing my route home to avoid a particular street corner, talking to a loved one or friend on my way home when I don't necessarily feel comfortable and so on. The assurances that we have socially that a lot has changed in the last 50 years is great but a lot of the same attitudes are perpetuated in and woven into the very fabric of everyday life and Bates' book has and should exemplify why this needs to change. 

Why I'm No Longer Talking To White People About Raceby Reni Enno- Lodge- again I would say this is a necessary read for everyone particularly in the wake of the current climate and attitudes towards immigrants and migration. An honest and confronting text which should wake you up to the discriminative actions happening around you and our complicity with them. As a White Brit, it was astounding to read about the deletion of British Black History and the rewrites that are now remembered alongside all the horrors that my skin tone excuses me from experiencing. The hype is very much real.

The End of Men and the Rise of Women by Hanna Rosin- I will admit that my favourite part about reading this book, is the horrified looks from men on the tube who obviously can't see the entire title, relegating me as either a misandrist or a conspiracy theorist. So if that's the kind of reaction you're looking for on a morning, then look no further. But seriously in terms of a feminist text, this is largely unique as it dispels a common assumption that women are inferior to men in the workplace around the world, when actually there are numerous examples of where this is actually the opposite. Women are adapting to changes in the workplace whereas men are being left behind. Rosin explores the implications of this shift for relationships, marriage, sex, society and economics- thought provoking stuff. 

Anything as in all books by Jon Ronson- this man is a witty genius who tackles difficult, confusing subject matters and peoples with such humour. Laugh out loud and relatable material. My favourite of his is So You've Been Publicly Shamed which is largely about Twitter and how it has become the platform for public shaming that previously existed in person. 

The Call of the Weird by Louis Theroux- the man, the myth, the legend. If you've seen any of his documentaries largely his earlier stuff, this is a collection and exploration of all his greatest hits- Thor Templar, Neo-Nazis, Survivalists, you name it. Do I need to say more? 

I've included links to the books in case you want to purchase them and get your read on. As a disclaimer, I still love a fiction- the vampire's bitch in my heart is not dead, just maybe on vervain- I'll write another list with my fiction faves at some point. 

I would love to know what books you've been loving recently, so comment below, hit me up on my insta or drop me an email- I am always ready to learn more. 

A Truth Universally Acknowledged

"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single [woman] in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a [husband.]"

Valentine’s Day is coming up and I thought, therefore, that this is would be the perfect time to explore where our societal fascination with dating comes from. Why is it that, as a single heterosexual woman, the first question I am inevitably asked by friends or family members I haven’t seen in a while, is whether there are “any men in my life?” 

From a casual gander at the magazines that grace our shelves and online outlets, it seems we are bombarded with endless dating tips and tricks to ‘play the game’, lists of dating DOS and DONTS, how to make a man interested, why he isn’t interested…because by god what is wrong with you if you cannot attract a partner?! 

We are sold the idea from a young age that having a partner is extremely important. Take The Game of Life for instance. Once you reach a certain point on the board, it is a requirement that you must marry, as is also expected in the real. Still today an unmarried woman of a certain age is looked upon as sad or lonely by everyone else. They have wasted their life by not starting a family which unfortunately is still looked upon as a woman's end goal. 

In our childhood fiction, princesses are rescued by men- they must wait in their towers to be freed like good little girls, to be freed by knights trained to save damsels from their feminine plights rather than save themselves. This is an idea that continues into the mainstream: we are taught that women are not women without men. 

When I was younger, I remember a common assumption was that my friends and I would be married by 25 and have kids by 28 latest- after condensing an incredibly successful career as a Hollywood starlet (of course) into a meagre 7 years, if I had taken into consideration three years of training (drama school being the natural starting point in the UK) and the fact that we knew our lives would be over after kids (an idea that is still perpetuated in today's media even though there are career women everywhere showing this to be a falsehood.) Revisiting this idea at University I came to the startling realisation that I would have had to have met my life partner already and so I was now running way behind my earlier expectations of my predicted life. Proving that once again, I was a failure at love. 

Similarly, I realised that an awful number of my conversations with some of my female friends surround relationships and the same questions that pop up in our marketed reading material. 

I have had close friends whom, it seems, can talk of nothing but the person they are seeing/the ins and outs of their dating experiences: "Why isn’t he texting me?" ..."He said this but what does it mean?”... "Why doesn’t he want to be with me as much as I want to be with him?" or when they aren’t seeing someone, conversation constantly surrounds a hypothetical relationship: their main drive is (and I am paraphrasing in this instance for effect) "I want to have someone in my life.” And to be perfectly honest, the whole thing is exhausting. Both the conversations and the thoughts that drive them. 

I don’t want to pretend that I haven’t queried why I am single and expressed a desire to not be alone, but I have begun to note that the fact that if all of *our* efforts are focused on someone else or a potential someone else, we no longer have the time or energy to focus on ourselves. 

Friendship-wise, I also feel that at times that these conversations can be at a detriment to your actual relationship. Yes, as good friends, we are meant to support one another and act as a soundboard for any concerns you or they have. As with anything, however, there is a balance to be struck. Constantly venting creates a relationship which is built on assisting your friend rather than a mutual support system- this puts incredible pressure on the other party. They are not your relationship councillor and do not have all the answers. 

The question of whether I have a man in my life comes up far more than it should. It is often asked by friends who are in relationships, doled out with a large helping of patronising smugness with the implication that they are lucky enough to be a ‘we’ instead of just my lonely ‘me’. Likewise, I have found that this question also translates to my work environment. I often tell colleagues that I am going out to dinner after work (with friends) and the immediate assumption is that I must be going on a date to which I reply in the negative, much to their obvious disappointment.   

The extreme pressure that both of these instances put on the single party in similar conversations, makes us feel as though we are at fault for not having a partner or date and in turn participating in the social assumptions surrounding women. If I want to talk about who I am seeing, I will instigate a conversation about it but until that happens stop- or at least limit the amount you ask me and others like me. 

I am trying to make a real effort to not ask people I know who are consumed by their relationships or just busy dating about their situations. I’m not yet perfect, but I am trying and that, I think, is all we can ask. 

2019 Resolutions

I realise that it is now the end of January and therefore not necessarily when you might expect a post about ‘New Year’ Resolutions, but for me this is perfect timing.

Most people have fallen off the wagon with dry January by this point- my mother for instance- their bids to get fit have taken a backseat and their intentions to be nice to people have been destroyed by January blues. However, the end of January is when you can see which goals you created at the beginning of the month have actually stuck, and gives you a chance to create new achievable ones that you know you will be able to keep. Documenting my plans here, will also hopefully solidify my intent, because if TV has taught me one thing, it’s that if you don’t have it in writing it doesn’t count!

For me, this year is focused on personal growth and finally learning to love myself (I know bleurgh!!!) I want to continue to keep to an achievable gym routine of between 3-4 sessions a week- exploring new exercises and activities to find as much enjoyment out of it as I can, whilst not punishing myself if I other commitments have to come first. 2019 is for body positivity!   

I also want to continue exploring sustainable fashion and increasing my awareness of my environmental impact- through charity shopping, ethical shopping and rediscovering old clothing instead of contributing to fast fashion as much as possible.

But of course, let's see what happens!  

'Me Too' Men: Gillette Short Film reaction

This week there has been a flurry of online activity centred on the new Gillette advert which tackles toxic masculinity in an emerging me too world. 

The brand spun their famous tagline ‘The Best a Man Can Get’ to ‘The Best Men Can Be’- confronting men’s complicity within the current and normalised epidemic of harassment and abuse perpetrated against all genders. 

Some reactions have been positive, but for the most part, this film has sparked an angry and frankly startling reaction that I felt was worthy of analysis. 

First and foremost I took myself away and watched this supposedly horrific condemnation of the entire male species. What I found was a truthful depiction of erroneous actions which some men and boys, emphasis on the some, are most definitely guilty of.

    

These include online bullying (arguably not simply enacted by men and boys, but an example of an action which spans genders) and the catch all saying ‘Boys Will Be Boys’ which in lots of cases, excuses young men of virtually anything.

The film also exemplifies the blatant sexual harassment and objection of women for comedic or sexual gratification and the phenomenon of mansplaining which needs no introduction as I’m sure someone else may have a better understanding of it. 

In response, many men have announced their plans to boycott the brand in favour of one I'm sure will be less political and confronting. 

It’s a wonder that the King of male toxicity has yet to enter the fray on this subject, but I’m aware that he is probably too busy digesting his McDonalds (although I’m sure a Presidential twitter storm is bound to erupt at some point once this post is live).  

What strikes me as ironic is that this furious reaction from men (again to reiterate this is not all men but a large quantity) online is exactly what this advert is hoping to deter. If you are unutterably appalled by the blunt and true reflection of male toxicity in this advert, then maybe you are part of the problem?

What I can't deny is that this message is touted by a large, capitalist brand who are making money regardless of whether the message is praised or abused. A brand that I don’t particularly support due to their promotion of sexist viewpoints through their female razors marketed with oh so feminine names which will set me back far more than my male counterparts- but that is a separate issue for another time.

The blame should also not be fully on men. Women can raise sexist children and can often encourage sexist behaviour largely because this is what they have grown up with and are accustomed to dealing with, a factor which I feel is not always examined.

However, Gillette has undeniably opened the conversation about important issues. Gillette does not hate all men as is currently cited online. They are putting the onus on men something which is so often ignored by print media and at home. Women should not be the only people to fight for equality and the right to feel safe or want their children to grow up respecting themselves and those around them. This should be a collective fight.

If a large brand with a large platform is vilified for making such statements, then who can? These truths need to be discussed publically instead of pushed under the carpet as simply the way things are. But, boys will be boys and I, for one, am tired of waiting for them to grow up and accept the realities of life as we know it.     

Watch here: We Believe: The Best Men Can Be- Gillette ShortFilm 

Welcome to Behind the Reverie

I have been playing with the idea of starting a blog for what feels like eons. 

An old friend of mine started a blog themessyedit.com whilst I was in my second year of uni, at a time when blogging had sky rocketed in popularity, which only further heightened my insecurity about creating my own, in spite of my desire to. How would my words and observations possibly measure up to the endless number of brilliant ideas my friend and what felt like everyone else was spewing out?   

But today in the deepest, darkest January of the year 2019, three years later following the passing of Christmas and the New Year haze of frivolity- the timing feels right. 

I have decided to F*** IT or more appropriately THINK LESS and DO MORE - a phrase that if you knew me, is potentially, if not certainly, chaotic to my well balanced life. 

Who cares though? What do i have to prove?  I am ready to leap into the unknown, post my thoughts and see what *you* think (please be nice but honest yet mainly nice, my ego and I bruise like a peach).  

If you fancy it, please give me a cheeky follow on my Instagram @mia_schiller where you can be kept up to date with all things social and the world outside of the written word.