Doggy Dos and Don'ts

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The other day I came home to my flat after a lovely day with some of my oldest friends and what did I find? Dog shite right outside my gate. Not just like tiny pellets or a left over amount that was missed when picking up some of it, I’m talking a ring of droppings as though this dog had marked the spot for treasure. Unfortunately this is not a unique experience on my street- so I’m not sure why I was so surprised, but I was.

Instantly my good mood evaporated. I deduced that owing to my struggle to get through the gate in the first place (a kind of leap frog/hop job), getting out wouldn’t be too much better. I rolled up my sleeves popped on some rubber gloves (which are now in the bin) got some hot water in a bucket, eco bleach and bin bags to dispose of the obstructions.

Whilst I was washing this off my path, a lady and her child attempted to pass, so I naturally stopped chucking water onto the pavement, cause I’m nice like that. She congratulated me for cleaning up and said that her daughter hadn’t wanted to walk home on this side as they had navigated the dog poo earlier. Proud that I had served not only my own shoe safety, but also done my civic shoe duty to the surrounding community- I proceeded to throw a total of 5 buckets of water on the obstacles with a conclusion that this was the best it was going to get.

Naturally I was exhausted after all of this exercise, so I declined a night out with friends and instead mused over my ordeal instead (half true the full reason is that I had also been out the night before- I am much in demand.) I determined that a lack of responsibly was in operation by this dog owner and on a wider basis, hence the regularity of such an issue on my street. Either the owner was blind (it is getting lighter with the coming spring weather in the UK so I have ruled that explanation out) or they just didn’t give sh **where their dog sh**. I decided on the latter.

As the proud sister of 3 doggies, 1 fully grown and 2 puppies, I have grown up with the mantra of always picking up after my pets: I have been taught that that is what a responsible pet owner does. Arguably, if my street was in the middle of the countryside, then this would be a different matter. I can understand why dog owners leave their dog’s waste, as it will not bother anyone due to limited foot traffic. But there is no excuse for a busy London street. Pick up your dogs sh**. The act of ownership makes it yours, so stop shi**ing in front of other people’s doors!

In the same vein, I cannot understand the point of picking up your dog’s foul and then proceeding to drop the bags on the floor. As though picking it up has brought you such exhaustion that you are incapable of carrying a small bag until you reach a bin- you must instead leave said bag on the pavement. Absolute madness. Arguably, there is an infrequency of bins in London- the reasoning behind this spans, I am told, from the IRA leaving bombs in bins in the 70s to today’s terror situations. However, more dog bins would be an idea- eliminating the argument for lazy owners that there were no bins.

On the subject of dogs, I must also mention the irresponsibility of owners leaving their animals in cars without open windows in the heat and in direct sunlight. Saying that, even opening a window will not allow an adequate flow of air for them. Just don’t leave them in the car dehydrated and boiling. On a similar note, walking animals in the heat of the day especially around midday when it is peak summer is again reprehensible. If it’s hot to you, imagine what it must be like if you have a thick layer of fur coating every limb and are attempting to walk on ground which has absorbed the full unflinching scorching beams for hours without a layer of protective rubber.

The takeaway of this rant is therefore: be responsible, if you are not willing to put your pet's general well-being first- then don’t get a bloomin' dog. And whomever’s dog is shi**ing outside my flat, I’m watching.

Book Recommendations

I have really enjoyed consuming what my younger self would probably have categorised as boring literature over the past couple of months. I'm talking non fiction. The area of a library I would have ignored growing up, unless I had an essay due and needed to cram some knowledge fast into my brain. 

I have always had a voracious reading habit since before I could remember. On holidays in my early teens, I would bring 5 or 6 books which my mother would lament was way too many, but by day 5 of a two week break, they would be well thumbed and I would need to scour the hotel for more- although the English section was mostly Harlequin novels or a Jilly Cooper novel. So inevitably I learnt a lot those summers. 

I also had- and still to this day have- in my childhood bedroom, stacks and stacks of books by my bed and around my room. Marie Kondo would have a field day, but honestly each has brought me joy and allowed me to journey to different places and realities, so I would not part with a single page. (Side note I lived through and survived the vampire stage that I feel should be a part of every young girls life, like wearing glittery eyeshadow and sparkly tops- I hate to admit but a sizeable amount of my collection are various series of that ilk. I'm still keeping them though.) 

The thing about reading and in particular non fiction is that you can continue to learn new ideas and perspectives- largely focused in my case on social theories and psychology as those are my main interests- long after finishing education. You will never be the cleverest person you know, but you can read and learn and become cleverer than you were the day before. This list is of a few titles that have helped me expand my thoughts a little more over the last couple of months: 

Everyday Sexism by Laura Bates- this is such an important text that everyone should read in their lifetime. The sexual harassment and discrimination that goes on in the world around us is still a very real threat to primarily women but also men. Bates provides unavoidable factual testimonies from women who have listed their experiences on her platform the Everyday Sexism Project. What was so interesting is reading some testimonies that I have also experienced in my day to day life; changing my route home to avoid a particular street corner, talking to a loved one or friend on my way home when I don't necessarily feel comfortable and so on. The assurances that we have socially that a lot has changed in the last 50 years is great but a lot of the same attitudes are perpetuated in and woven into the very fabric of everyday life and Bates' book has and should exemplify why this needs to change. 

Why I'm No Longer Talking To White People About Raceby Reni Enno- Lodge- again I would say this is a necessary read for everyone particularly in the wake of the current climate and attitudes towards immigrants and migration. An honest and confronting text which should wake you up to the discriminative actions happening around you and our complicity with them. As a White Brit, it was astounding to read about the deletion of British Black History and the rewrites that are now remembered alongside all the horrors that my skin tone excuses me from experiencing. The hype is very much real.

The End of Men and the Rise of Women by Hanna Rosin- I will admit that my favourite part about reading this book, is the horrified looks from men on the tube who obviously can't see the entire title, relegating me as either a misandrist or a conspiracy theorist. So if that's the kind of reaction you're looking for on a morning, then look no further. But seriously in terms of a feminist text, this is largely unique as it dispels a common assumption that women are inferior to men in the workplace around the world, when actually there are numerous examples of where this is actually the opposite. Women are adapting to changes in the workplace whereas men are being left behind. Rosin explores the implications of this shift for relationships, marriage, sex, society and economics- thought provoking stuff. 

Anything as in all books by Jon Ronson- this man is a witty genius who tackles difficult, confusing subject matters and peoples with such humour. Laugh out loud and relatable material. My favourite of his is So You've Been Publicly Shamed which is largely about Twitter and how it has become the platform for public shaming that previously existed in person. 

The Call of the Weird by Louis Theroux- the man, the myth, the legend. If you've seen any of his documentaries largely his earlier stuff, this is a collection and exploration of all his greatest hits- Thor Templar, Neo-Nazis, Survivalists, you name it. Do I need to say more? 

I've included links to the books in case you want to purchase them and get your read on. As a disclaimer, I still love a fiction- the vampire's bitch in my heart is not dead, just maybe on vervain- I'll write another list with my fiction faves at some point. 

I would love to know what books you've been loving recently, so comment below, hit me up on my insta or drop me an email- I am always ready to learn more. 

A Truth Universally Acknowledged

"It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single [woman] in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a [husband.]"

Valentine’s Day is coming up and I thought, therefore, that this is would be the perfect time to explore where our societal fascination with dating comes from. Why is it that, as a single heterosexual woman, the first question I am inevitably asked by friends or family members I haven’t seen in a while, is whether there are “any men in my life?” 

From a casual gander at the magazines that grace our shelves and online outlets, it seems we are bombarded with endless dating tips and tricks to ‘play the game’, lists of dating DOS and DONTS, how to make a man interested, why he isn’t interested…because by god what is wrong with you if you cannot attract a partner?! 

We are sold the idea from a young age that having a partner is extremely important. Take The Game of Life for instance. Once you reach a certain point on the board, it is a requirement that you must marry, as is also expected in the real. Still today an unmarried woman of a certain age is looked upon as sad or lonely by everyone else. They have wasted their life by not starting a family which unfortunately is still looked upon as a woman's end goal. 

In our childhood fiction, princesses are rescued by men- they must wait in their towers to be freed like good little girls, to be freed by knights trained to save damsels from their feminine plights rather than save themselves. This is an idea that continues into the mainstream: we are taught that women are not women without men. 

When I was younger, I remember a common assumption was that my friends and I would be married by 25 and have kids by 28 latest- after condensing an incredibly successful career as a Hollywood starlet (of course) into a meagre 7 years, if I had taken into consideration three years of training (drama school being the natural starting point in the UK) and the fact that we knew our lives would be over after kids (an idea that is still perpetuated in today's media even though there are career women everywhere showing this to be a falsehood.) Revisiting this idea at University I came to the startling realisation that I would have had to have met my life partner already and so I was now running way behind my earlier expectations of my predicted life. Proving that once again, I was a failure at love. 

Similarly, I realised that an awful number of my conversations with some of my female friends surround relationships and the same questions that pop up in our marketed reading material. 

I have had close friends whom, it seems, can talk of nothing but the person they are seeing/the ins and outs of their dating experiences: "Why isn’t he texting me?" ..."He said this but what does it mean?”... "Why doesn’t he want to be with me as much as I want to be with him?" or when they aren’t seeing someone, conversation constantly surrounds a hypothetical relationship: their main drive is (and I am paraphrasing in this instance for effect) "I want to have someone in my life.” And to be perfectly honest, the whole thing is exhausting. Both the conversations and the thoughts that drive them. 

I don’t want to pretend that I haven’t queried why I am single and expressed a desire to not be alone, but I have begun to note that the fact that if all of *our* efforts are focused on someone else or a potential someone else, we no longer have the time or energy to focus on ourselves. 

Friendship-wise, I also feel that at times that these conversations can be at a detriment to your actual relationship. Yes, as good friends, we are meant to support one another and act as a soundboard for any concerns you or they have. As with anything, however, there is a balance to be struck. Constantly venting creates a relationship which is built on assisting your friend rather than a mutual support system- this puts incredible pressure on the other party. They are not your relationship councillor and do not have all the answers. 

The question of whether I have a man in my life comes up far more than it should. It is often asked by friends who are in relationships, doled out with a large helping of patronising smugness with the implication that they are lucky enough to be a ‘we’ instead of just my lonely ‘me’. Likewise, I have found that this question also translates to my work environment. I often tell colleagues that I am going out to dinner after work (with friends) and the immediate assumption is that I must be going on a date to which I reply in the negative, much to their obvious disappointment.   

The extreme pressure that both of these instances put on the single party in similar conversations, makes us feel as though we are at fault for not having a partner or date and in turn participating in the social assumptions surrounding women. If I want to talk about who I am seeing, I will instigate a conversation about it but until that happens stop- or at least limit the amount you ask me and others like me. 

I am trying to make a real effort to not ask people I know who are consumed by their relationships or just busy dating about their situations. I’m not yet perfect, but I am trying and that, I think, is all we can ask.